My favorite and least favorite pastime is table hovering a la Cheesecake Factory bar style. Favorite because I’m good at it…least favorite because I’m old and it’s a hassle. For those of you who don’t know, Cheesecake Factory is a very popular chain in the midwest. If you don’t want to wait forever for a table, the bar area is first come first serve. My friends and I became very good at the table hover method back in college. There are 3 main tactics to employ when table hovering to your best advantage:
First and foremost, obvious but it bears stating, divide and conquer making sure to always be on the lookout to see who’s on dessert or already has their check. Spread out and be ready to wave frantically to the rest of your table agents when you’ve secured the table.
If you’ve got a table who’s just chatting away even though they’ve already finished and paid, you must use the extreme hover move where you invade their personal space (but not enough for them to be able to request that you back up without looking like a weirdo). Cross your arms and look out into the distance. Don’t make eye contact with them as some table gluttons will take that as a challenge to stay even longer just to annoy you. With this seemingly nonchalant stance, you merely come off as a totally oblivious bystander waiting on a table…but not necessarily their table.
Go the direct route and make friends or friendly conversation with a table sitter getting ready to finish up. At the end of your friendly banter, you’ll throw in a “oh are you getting ready to leave?…can I just put this here?” And leave something innocuously yours as if to plant your flag to other table hoverers letting them know this table is taken.
But this post is not about the Cheesecake Factory. This is about Father’s Office in Culver City.
Father’s Office is a very popular, casual gastropub where everything is first come first serve…including the tables. Now, in my dotage, I generally dislike having to fight crowds and prefer to pay for the privilege to avoid it. If there were a way to level up everything in life, I’d go broke doing it. Probably. But alas, Father’s Office is annoyingly democratic. 🙄
Pro Tip: Send some of your party to snag a seat/table and the rest can stand in line to order/fetch drinks.
My boyfriend and I were meeting a group of friends and needed a whole table. On one of those rare LA moments where traffic wasn’t terrible, we arrived 20 minutes ahead of the rest of our party. So, employing step #1, I had him look for a table while I waited to order. Once you’ve put in your order, they give you a number to take to your seat so that the food runners can locate you. Amazingly, even though they were full up, he was able to grab a shared table but as I walked towards him, a whole table got up and I somewhat maniacally screeched his name while motioning for him to grab the entirely empty table instead.
I went with a deliciously crisp rose and he went with some seasonal beer. Sorry, I don’t recall what it was. I just denote alcohol by color and thing – red, white, rose, beer, whiskey, vodka, etc.
I ordered us some chorizo fritters to start. The acidity of the sauce really played well with the crispy, creamy fritters. Now, would they ever be as good as Vicky Bakery’s croquettas in Miami? No. But let’s be honest, what could?? It did the job nicely though.
I also got one of the seasonal specials – octopus warm salad with baby potatoes and tomatoes. The combination of everything in one bite was key. The octopus itself was cooked perfectly. And everything really complemented each other well. I do wish there was a smidge more salt though…due to my aforementioned salty palate.
Our friends arrived as our sweet potato fries and the famous Father’s Office burger hit our table.
The fries were delicious and abundant! The dipping sauce really made it with a roasted garlic and blue cheese aioli.
Now for the piece de resistance! The famous Father’s Office burger – “No substitutions, modifications, alterations or deletions. Yes, really.”
The meat is delicious. The only thing I’m not a fan of is that I feel like the jam is too sweet. I would’ve wished for a saltier counter note which could’ve been achieved with more blue cheese or a stronger cheese…or…dare I say it…KETCHUP! *Gasp!* My boyfriend was not a fan and felt the burger was inexcusably meh. He didn’t like the bun which was “whatever” and he too thought the burger was just too sweet. I wonder how often people smuggle in contraband ketchup.
One of the girls got the ribs which looked fantastic! Just a platter of meat bones. I didn’t try any but she seemed to really enjoy them.
